Down–down–the results can be followed; and all the suffering that humanity ever knew can be traced to the one fact that no one in the history of the Galaxy could really understand one another. Every human being lived behind an impenetrable wall of choking mist within which no other but he existed. Occasionally there were the dim signals from deep within the cavern in which another man was located — so that each might grope toward the other. Yet because they did not know one another, and could not understand one another, and dared not trust one another, and felt from infancy the terrors and insecurity of that ultimate isolation — there was the hunted fear of man for man, the savage rapacity of man toward man…

…Grimly, Man had instinctively sought to circumvent the prison bars of ordinary speech. Semantics, symbolic logic, psychoanalysis — they had all been devices whereby speech could either be refined or bypassed………….

Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”

–Jim Jarmusch

I received some money from my relatives in England, and wrote them a thank you letter. They needed to know how much it helps me live a good life. I always use the money sent to me for enriching my life, I don’t just waste it on small things. I paid for Logic Studio, a music editing/composition software program, and I paid for a DVD teach-yourself-piano course: I am fascinated by music lately, and it’s making my world make a little more sense, especially when I’m feeling down for no logical reason. So… having no more debt on my credit card because I have such sweet relatives is another thing I’m grateful for. Debt causes stress and such, even a small amount of debt makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but once again I’m free of it and it lifts my spirits. So… Thank you so much

It’s a sunny day out, at last, and the snow is shining white. My mind has been clouded with gloom a little lately, since I was fighting off a flu virus of some sort. It’s time to cheer myself up and one sure way to do that is to think of all the things I’m grateful for, and write them out and talk about them. That way my focus is on the positive, and not on, oh, say… my damaged foot

Firstly I’m grateful to my family:

My mother, who my friends adore because of her wit and wisdom and cool. She is youthful and has raised me well to be able to handle all the challenges I have faced and will face. I’m grateful to be born into such a remarkable life, to have longevity in my genetic makeup, and to have been exposed to the virtues and values which make for correct living, and make me a good man.

My sister, who I love and miss, who’s done her own thing and chosen her own life, found happiness with a good husband who adores her, and has health, wealth and kittens.

My dad, who’s bailed me out in not-so-inspiring financial crises, and who kept really cool books on the shelf when I was a kid… I was recently thinking about that old collection of books and how it really must have influenced me when I was young.

My extended family. Granddad F., Uncle Brian, Jola, Roy, Susan… I know they all care about me from afar, and even though they are in England and I am in Canada, the love of family still resonates even in the long periods of silence between letters or visits. They care about what happens to me.

I am grateful and appreciative of Caitlin, my girlfriend. I am so happy to live with her, having taken the leap of faith required to trust again. I really, really love her. She is a delight… real brains, real beauty and her compassion is astonishing. She tells it how it is, values foremost Truth and Honesty and Integrity, and wants me to be who I am: an artist, a writer, a sensitive person who may create beautiful things — and maybe I won’t make much money, but with her help I will create those beautiful works, and her love of what I create is so sincere and so profound that I could be happy if she was the only person who ever saw the products of my imagination. Caitlin: you ARE my inspiration, you’ll see.

We live together, my mom lives upstairs, Carter, who is among the pantheon of amazing friends I have, lives down the road. We are strong together. The river valley view I daily look at from my balcony is astonishing, and worth every penny of the rent I pay, which is very reasonable now that Caitlin and I live together. I will be able to save for the traveling I want to do, and we live very comfortably, and fairly independently. I’m encouraged to be more independent, while not having to fear being totally cast out on my own. It’s a good balance, and I appreciate everyone who contributes to my lifestyle.

The opportunity to go to school is deeply satisfying, to not have to be in debt, to be learning contemporary storytelling techniques, graphic design, film/video, and music… all sorts of interests of mine are converging into something that is beginning to resemble a creative career! I kno that I may never be able to conform to the standard practice of keeping my head down and working for The Man… and I’ll pay, really pay cashmoney, as a consequence… but I’d rather steal the knowledge of Media from the Man and use it against him in any way I can. I will figure out ways to work when I want, from whereever in the world I want, and live comfortably.

Freedom IS free time. And I have freedom… and free time, that is, more than your average person.

I cherish truth, knowledge and freedom. And these treasures are bountiful in my life.

The universe gives me lesson after lesson and I am humbled and honored to be alive in it. I am happy whenever I hear it’s voice… and more and more I am hearing the Voice of the Universe in the particular timbre of those I love. When they speak, it affects me, and I am grateful that I can Listen. I know I have my weaknesses, but I always try to improve.

My birthday always seems to fall during a time where I struggle with depression and darkness. I’m quieter and withdrawn, a little moody and irritable sometimes, sleepy, and unmotivated. It is the flip side of the coin to my more notorious summer ‘episodes’. But my surprise birthday party this year… it was amazing. I got to see Trysh, who I hadn’t seen in a bit, and Glynnis, who I’d not seen in what seems ages, but she’s always a great friend. It was the first time I believe I’ve had a surprise birthday party. I often celebrate in a very small way, not feeling that up for much in the way of ‘celebration’… but it helped me see that people love and care for me and that’s something that’s so important for me to see when I’m afflicted by The Gloom of an unbalanced chemical brain-cocktail.

It is harder for people to see that I have these legendary and disruptive highs that are, in fact, matched in intensity by my lows. But everyone tries, and I can know that everyone of my friends and my family still love me and are with me through it. I have spent a lot of time managing those highs, as have everyone… they were a big problem, and I was telling Caitlin that I think as a consequence, less attention has been given to healing the depressive side. It’s not like I can take medication for depression, being bipolar, but there are techniques for dealing with it none the less… and meditating on the good things, writing about my gratitude, and asserting the Goodness of my life and of the universe is helpful.

I want to thank you for reading this, I know it’s long… and I thank you for the opportunity to write it too. Caitlin reminded me today that I need to fight to be conscious and responsible about my emotions, and that when I’m down I tell myself stories that make me feel more down. But now I’ve written out the true story, and we can all see that: Everything is so Good. I feel better from my flu and you know what, the winter is pretty mild lately, and my foot, well, my foot may be injured but I’m still standing on it. Not like we’ll have to amputate

I miss my friends in Ottawa, but hopefully I will be able to see them this year. We are going to Carter and Caro’s wedding in September, and I’m looking forward to showing Caitlin around the old stomping grounds. (“This is where I ran down the street in slippers, wearing a fish, at 6:30am…”) I hope Travis and Aaron are doing well, that Marco is okay, that Alex is getting to geek out to his heart’s content, and I’m looking forward to seeing Adam, who was a close friend and inspiration to me, because we both went through hell together, but crawled out of it anyway.

Love you, everyone,

-James

Publicly we’ll continue our work in publishing, radio, printing, music, etc. but privately we will create something else, something to be shared freely but never consumed passively, something which can be discussed openly but never understood by the agents of alienation, something with no commercial potential yet valuable beyond price, something occult yet woven completely into the fabric of our everyday lives.

– The Temporary Autonomous Zone, by Hakim Bey

All these obstacles make it more difficult to arrive at a correct appreciation of the human psyche, but they count for very little beside one other remarkable fact that deserves mentioning. This is the common psychiatric experience that the devaluation of the psyche and other resistances to psychological enlightenment are based in large measure on fear–on panic fear of the discoveries that might be made in the realm of the unconscious. These fears are found not only among persons who are frightened by the picture Freud painted of the unconscious; they also troubled the originator of psychoanalysis himself, who confessed to me that it was necessary to make a dogma of his sexual theory, because this was the sole bulwark of reason against a possible “outburst of the black flood of occultism.” In these words Freud was expressing his conviction that the unconscious still harbored many things that might lend themselves to “occult” interpretations, as is in fact the case. These “archaic vestiges,” or archetypal forms grounded on the instincts and giving expression to them, have a numinous quality that sometimes arouses fear. They are ineradicable, for they represent the ultimate foundations of the psyche itself. They cannot be grasped intellectually, and when one has destroyed one manifestation of them, they reappear in altered form. It is this fear of the unconscious psyche, which not only impedes self-knowledge, but is the gravest obstacle to a wider understanding and knowledge of psychology. Often the fear is so great that one dares not admit it, even to oneself.

– Carl G. Jung “The Undiscovered Self”