Really we’re the room, the person holding the flashlight, the flashlight, the light, the darkness AND the bullshit.

People tell themselves stories about their quest for consciousness, awakening, enlightenment, ego-transcendence or what have you because the mind needs to make up stories when it’s trying to believe something that is not real.

Real things don’t require stories, or elaboration. They don’t require me to go out and preach about them. The truth doesn’t need defending… how presumptuous!!! That the truth is so fragile and weak a thing that it needs ME as its defender… as if it would suddenly disappear or be effaced forever just because I wasn’t around to protect it… to somehow SHOW it to others, when it’s in plain sight?

Fuck that…

Awareness for me has become only that which I know I am not aware of: and that’s plenty. The further I genuinely sought consciousness, the further I found unconsciousness. The more sight I sought, the more sight I lost.

When I tried to destroy myself, my idea of myself that is, I became boring. How foolish of me to have an idea that I had an idea of myself: I had no idea… I -HAVE- no idea. I can have none, ever.

I am an impenetrable shadow. My power is invisibility. I know that I do not know, and that not knowing is more honest and more trustworthy than any answer to any question that any one has ever uttered.

If the truth is so hard to know, it is only because that is the nature of the universe. The nature of Nature: you cannot know it. It will play games with you. When you think you know, it moves, it runs off, it teases you. When you think you’ve figured out the plan, it will throw you off course. It teases you with order and rapes you with chaos.

I seek only life, as life seeks itself, longs for itself, uses all its tricks, all its forceful might to LIVE as unapologetically and as desperately as a supernova trying to escape the iron at its core threatening to devour it with an event horizon.

Now I seek Endarkenment. Now I am the occult. I live in a dark ecology and side only with the mystery, with the unknown… comfortably, with an age old friend. A friend I can depend on. My friend… forever.